It rained most of the day today*. I can hear the tree frogs and bullfrogs outside singing their summer serenade. Tonight it just sounds like sadness to me, because my cousin (who was like a brother to me growing up) died today*. He had four biological children and a stepchild that all lived with him. A pending divorce, a lost job, financial trouble and his life-long struggle with depression finally culminated today into a suicide. I can only pray that he is forgiven and safe in the arms of Jesus right now. I know he called his sister after he shot himself and even talked about his funeral with her. My heart aches because I can not be there for my nieces, my mother, my aunt, and my cousins. They are back home in Texas.
… and because of the other bomb we had dropped in our lap today, we are unable to travel back for his funeral…
Within the same thirty minutes that my mom called to tell me about my cousin, my husband also got news that his long-term temporary job here in Arkansas is ending this week. I have four days to pack our entire apartment and move back to Texas… and from there, we really aren’t sure when and where we will go next. I know that wherever we go, we’ll be in good hands… God’s hands. Hopefully this time next week I’ll know something a little more certain. The only thing I’m certain of right now is a crazy week of packing, a busy weekend of moving, and a whole lot of grief as I try to grasp the fact that I’ll never see my cousin again. His little girls are crying themselves to sleep tonight*.
I urge you to listen to the frogs, smell the flowers, run in the rain and play in the puddles… hug your loved ones… be kind to others who may be struggling with the weight of the world on their backs (like my cousin was)… and treasure every moment you have.
Pray for our extended family and for us if the Lord brings us to your mind. I’ll try and check in as we ride the whirlwind through this week…
* I wrote this post before midnight… but these events happened in the late afternoon, Monday 6/18/07.