December 9th. The last post I made before the blog funk settled in. Seems a lighthearted topic – dreams of remodeled spaces and things to make life easier. My heavy heart wishes that today were that easy – that posting here could be that upbeat.
Last week… We had just spent over three weeks passing a cold and sore throat back and forth starting before Thanksgiving and I had come down with a horrible bout of asthma and lung congestion due to aspirating a tiny piece of rice. Morgan hurt her nose (possibly broke it) by slamming a heavy plastic laundry basket in to her face by accident. Kaden’s knees had been burning for some strange reason. Oh, and we picked up glasses for Morgan from the optician’s office last Friday. It seems like we’ve spent most of this year in the doctor’s office or hospital, and school has suffered tremendously with all the down-time for pain, illnesses and pregnancy check-ups. Still… I was happy to be on the upswing this weekend, even if I had to use the inhaler every few hours to keep from coughing uncontrollably.
By Saturday I felt better… and the kids even got to attend a Christmas party Friday night.
My husband turned 40 on the 12th of December. As you can imagine, our weekend was a flurry of activity, being December – a birthday – and trying to mix family holiday get-togethers with celebrations that only come once every four decades. We went to see our niece play a dancing part in a ballet nutcracker on Saturday, ate Mexican food with Pop – his treat for Kevin’s birthday – and came home too tired to put the decorations on the tree.
On Sunday we went to church, ate a ‘famous hamburger’ in Andice, Texas with friends and had a nice, sunny, Sunday drive there and back… and the kids baked Daddy a poppyseed cake per his request. I had secretly invited a couple of local friends to our weekly ‘Sunday Small Group’ that evening; an informal surprise birthday party. Us old folks were tired before 9pm and headed off to bed with baby.
The next morning I was determined to get school done, but my mom called to say that her car was broken down for the week and she wanted me to pick her up and let her use mine to go see her piano students this week. We loaded up the car and went to get Chickie. By the time I got home and was ready to get busy with our bookwork, it was after 2PM.
That was when I checked my email. And found out about Dana’s sweet little boy.
He was the same age as Baby K… only a month apart.
I can remember saying ‘No’ enough times while I was reading it with chills all over my body that the children came in the room and asked me what was wrong. I had no idea what happened to him, but I followed every link and contacted all my homeschool friends online to pray for her family.
Poor Tiggy was crushed by a fallen wooden dresser. His sweet life cut short before he reached his second birthday. Her children had tried to save him – and their family is hurting.
My daughter is angry. She’s asking why God would allow this to happen. I know it is going to take some time to work through it with her because she is very attached to her little brother and baby Mattias was the same age.
All those blog posts I had in my mind last week vanished. The desire to blog pretty much vanished, too.
I have been crying off and on since the 13th. Every time I look at my son, I feel her pain resonate in my heart. I hear his laugh and it breaks me in pieces for the brothers and sisters that are left missing Tiggy’s mischief.
Yesterday we skipped the Symphony and decided to decorate our tree together. I took my 3 hour glucose test at the lab and mom watched the kids. Today Morgan had a consultation with all her test results since we started on her chronic back pain journey and they suggested it was time for an MRI (two of them, to be exact).
The house isn’t spotless. School hasn’t been getting done this week. There are boxes that need to go back to the garage – full of Christmas decorations that we didn’t put up this year.
I’ve been spending a lot less time on the computer and a lot more time hugging my almost two year old. And crying about Tiggy.
I don’t feel guilty about it at all.
God knows the seasons that come – the circumstances that ‘derail’ us. He knows there’s not enough money in the bank account (maybe he wanted us to stay home and eat soup that night?) … and He knows that big questions are coming from young minds (maybe it’s time we had a family devotional and really talked about why bad things sometimes happen).
He knows the reasons. And every moment He gives us is a gift.
I pray that we all are savoring them, finding joy in the difficulties because they are all for our eternal glory.
I pray His arms stay tight and warm around Dana and her family as they walk this path.
And maybe when I’m able to be a little less serious, I’ll be back to my normal blogging self.
Until then,
P.S.
If you would like to send a card or donation to Dana’s family, please see the information in the prayer request post at the Homeschool Post today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness.
It's so hard to wrap our brains around such tragedies. It hurts so much. Life is messy and certainly there are times that things don't go according to our plans. I'm glad you don't feel guilty for taking the time to cry and hold your sweet little boy and ponder the important things of life. We're all too easily distracted with that which really isn't so important.
It hurt physically to read her post about what happened. I can't imagine. All I can do is continue to lift her and her family up in prayer.
Love ya' sweetie! Praying for you guys, too.
It is so hard to understand. We lost someone very close to our kids last year and we all landed on, Jesus wanted Damon with Him. Somehow the idea of Gods big love for the person we miss, has filled a bit of the hole.
I'll be praying for His peace that passes our understanding, to fill your family's and your friend's heart.
Kristin
Praying for Dana's family. My close friends son is in the hospital with his 3 brain surgery this month and they messed up–put the drain into his lung instead of lung cavity and now he is serious pneumonia. My heart is breaking for her.
We may never know this side of heaven why these things happen but I do know the love of Jesus pours through you for Dana. The deep sorrow everyone that reads this feels–is the love of the Trinity flowing. That's what is all about Sharing His love. Be there for her, lift her up, call, email, pray.
Hope you are feeling better, that bug is here at our home.
Love and prayers,
Robin
Big hugs and kisses to you heather…so sorry to hear about this. Jesus is faithful and I pray their family knows him.
Heather,
This is heartbreaking…like losing my Ethan all over again. Yesterday, I found out that a 2 year old from our old home church in Las Vegas passed in a tragedy. I ask God…WHY? When is it enough? And through it all, He understands and weeps along with us. Your friend indeed is going to need your love and support for a very long time. Losing a child is truly the hardest loss one could endure. I will remember (try, my mind is still a mess and I have a terrible memory) as best I can to lift them in prayer. Being a bereaved (still newly bereaved parent), I hurt so much for them and know their heartache, shock, numbness, etc. If they need to contact someone that's been through a tragedy, my phone is ready and I'm here to answer day or night.
Much love, and many hugs…Shannon Wallace
On December 28 of every year, the Catholic church commemorates the Holy Innocents. The bible readings that day are about the little ones that Herod killed in his quest to kill the Christ Child. I go to church every year on that day to pray for my own child, but Dana's boy will certainly be on my mind this year.
We are praying for her family. I have never even read her blog but my heart just breaks over what they all must be going through. Our church just finished a series on suffering and I know the Truth but it's so hard to accept the loss of life. All we can do is cling to a good God and keep turning to Him with our questions and hurts. I find myself constantly praying over them just because that is all I can really do to help them. That and praying that I don't live my life in fear. Because you are right, sometimes bad things happen to good people. This side of heaven I will never really understand it but again, we serve a good God and I just keep turning back to that truth.
Just wanted to share a quick note from a friend who spoke with Dana herself. We wanted to send money in to help with the funeral and their other issues and this is what Dana's response was:
We are truly overwhelmed by the generosity we've been shown but we truly have no financial needs. My dad and brother fixed the plumbing. A man from church fixed the chimney. The funeral home is donating their services. Their secretary bought us lunch. I can't even begin to list all the generosity we've been shown.
We truly, from the bottom of our hearts, would really like to see any money people would like to send to be sent to Tiny Hands International.
She said she cried today (a good cry) when she learned that donations have been sent in from all over the country in honor of Mattias.
Ugh – it literally makes me sick to my stomach to think of such a thing. Our youngest is 20 months old and I know exactly what you mean – it makes it so real when you have one close to the same age.
Praying God gives the family a tremendous amount of strength. "Let us come boldly before the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Heb. 4:16
Sweet sweet friend. It is all so hard to understand but so comforting to know that HE understands. I too am holding my babies closer, remembering to love love love them more each day than the day before, and thanking God for them.
You are such a great friend and Im so blessed to know you.
Meghan
I love your tender heart, Heather. I will never forget looking at the back of my church and seeing you standing there. I cry just thinking about it, sweet friend.
I have thought much about the how and why's. Even if God answered all the why's, it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't bring Christian back. So instead, I choose to ask What would you have me do with this story You have written into my family?
He lights enough of the road in front of me to where I can take the next step. He sees all the curves ahead and I trust Him to lead me. So I just do the next thing, be it laundry or cooking or praying or preparing a retreat for grieving mothers.
Whenever you look at baby K, be reminded that God cares about all the big and little things in your life. That even though our lives can be so crazy and upside down sometimes, we do not have to be overwhelmed. Just take that next step and make sure it is always in the direction of the Cross.
God is faithful!!!
the news hurt my heart too. Praying for you during this hard season. The fog will lift, promise.
I was so convicted by Dana's post (the second one, describing the accident). How often I have complained and chided my exasperating 3-year-old for all of the trouble she gets into. But how blessed I am that she is HERE to make trouble!